You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
