After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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