I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
