i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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