its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
