I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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