Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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