I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
