we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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