I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
