we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
