M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
