I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
