Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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