i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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