??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
