I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
