at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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