i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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