remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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