he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
