Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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