barbara walters just said penis...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
