I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
