Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
