I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
