why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
