So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
