i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
