why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
