normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
