The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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