omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
