Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
