Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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