Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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