she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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