this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
