toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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