This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
