Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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