I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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