hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
