Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
