Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
