she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
