I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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