We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
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