if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
