It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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