sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
